Painful Thinking
by Zilched
Summary: Hiei rejects the fox. How will Kurama take it? Shounen ai. R&R Please!


Author's note: Okay, I don't own these characters. Alright? Obviously I don't. Anyway, it's another angst fic. I know, that's all I write. ï Well, this one is probably my favorite. It does involve Kurama and Hiei love, so if you don't like it, don't read it. K? Also, I don't have a name for this yet, so if you have any ideas, let me know.

Kurama and Hiei walked side by side to the park. It was evening, and the air was cool, and fresh. The clouds covered the remaining of the sun, so it was almost dark.

Once in a while, Kurama stole glances at the short-tempered fire demon. This was the day he was going to express his love towards Hiei. He had his doubts though. He was terrified of being rejected. But he would rather be rejected then live his life without ever knowing Hiei's feelings towards him. And if Hiei denied hi love, he could always move on. Right?

They walked through the freshly cut green grass, to a blossoming sakura tree. They sat down and waited for the other one to speak.

"Hiei, I wanted to go on a walk with you to tell you something important." Kurama whispered in a shaky voice. Hiei just starred at the ground, eyes fixed on a half buried stone.

"It's private, so that's why I never asked you in front of Yusuke or Kuwabara." Kurama continued. Hiei looked up from the stone and looked at Kurama.

"Are you going to tell me, or are you going to blab?" Hiei asked, inpatients becoming the best of him. Kurama looked in to Hiei's ruby red eyes.

"You're making this harder for me Hiei. I'm not sure if this is the right time to ask this, and frankly, I'm terrified of how you're going to reply." Kurama said, moving his gaze to the beautiful sakura tree.

"Well, if you're just going to-"

"I love you Hiei." Kurama interrupted Hiei. Hiei frowned, and just starred at Kurama. Kurama held his gaze to the tree.

"W-what did you say Kurama?" Hiei asked, unsure of what he heard. Did Kurama just say he loved him?

"You heard me Hiei." That was all Kurama said. Hiei looked back at the ground. Kurama looked at Hiei, waiting for an answer. Hiei kept silent. He rose from the ground. Kurama rose too.

"K-Kurama...I..." Hiei was silent again. Kurama tried to read Hiei's face, but Hiei kept his feelings masked.

"I don't love you." Hiei finally whispered. Kurama looked at the ground again, then back at Hiei.

"N-nani? I-I didn't hear you correctly." Kurama stuttered, praying to Inari that he heard Hiei wrong.

Hiei looked in to Kurama's emerald eyes.

"I said, I don't love you." Hiei said, acting like it was nothing. Kurama's eyes filled with tears. He then dropped to the ground. Hiei looked at Kurama one last time, and flit off.

Kurama felt like his heart was being torn to pieces. Tears kept coming. Kurama was always dumping, and getting dumped by yokais in his Youko life, and he could care less. Aside from Kuronue, all the yokais he ever courted were worthless to him. But Hiei...Hiei was his best friend, and he wanted him as more...

He could understand why Hiei didn't want him. 'Who would?' he thought. Kurama had cheated death. Kurama was also known for playing with yokai's hearts.

Kurama stood up from the ground, it was getting late, and his 'kasaan would worry about him. He tried to wipe his tears away, but they just wouldn't stop.

Why was he so sad? He promised himself he wouldn't get upset if Hiei rejected him, but it was so hard.

He stumbled across the street, and up to his front porch. He expected his 'kasaan, step father, and brother, would be eating dinner now.

He opened the door carefully, and quietly. He didn't want his 'kasaan to see him crying. Then he would have to lie. And he didn't think he could stand to lie again.

Creak. Just his luck, the door was too noisy.

"Shuuichi? Is that you?" His mother asked from the dinning room. Kurama choked back his tears, and answered.

"H-hai." He said. His voice sounded rough, and he hoped his mother didn't notice.

"Are you alright? Come and eat!" she called. Kurama closed his eyes, and leaned against the wall. Why was Inari testing him?

"I-I'm not hungry, but t-thanks." He said. He heard Shiori get up from the table.

'Damnit.' He thought. How was he going to explain his tears to his mother? He could barely even talk without getting all choked up.

Before he knew it, Shiori was standing in front of him. "Shuuichi, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Shiori looked concerned.

What was Kurama going to say? That his best friend turned him down? He didn't want Shiori to know he felt that way towards to a _guy_. But...what other excuse did he have?

"I-I..." more tears fell. Even the thought of Hiei made him sad. His mother looked at him, and waited for him to speak.

"I-I...I don't know..." Kurama whispered. Shiori smiled. She gently reached out and moved Kurama's hair out of his face.

"You don't have to tell me. If it's private, I won't butt in. But if you would like to talk about it, I'm here. Are you sure you don't want anything to eat?" She soothed.

Kurama shook his head. "I'm just going to bed. But thank you 'kasaan. G-good night." Kurama waited until his mother went back to the table to go upstairs to his room.

He opened the door to his room, and closed it behind him. He stood there for a moment, tears still running freely.

He then flopped on his bed, burying his head in to the soft pillows, and he sobbed.

THREE MONTHS LATER

Hiei watched in the tree next to Kurama's window. His brows were furrowed together.

'Kurama, why are you so sad? Because I said I didn't love you? What's wrong with you? Why do you care so much? It's been three months, and you're still not over it?' Hiei thought, confused.

A loud rumble was heard overhead, and Hiei looked up at the powdered gray sky.

A flash of lightning cut through the darkness.

'Hn, might as well ask Kurama what's wrong.' he thought.

He tapped on Kurama's window and waited. Kurama didn't answer. He tapped harder. Still no answer. He peeked through the window again. His room was dark, except for the light coming from a door. Kurama was in his bathroom now.

He opened the window, and hopped in side.

Kurama's room was still really neat like always. But...it didn't feel right.

Hiei sat down on Kurama's bed, and waited. He could hear the water running.

Suddenly, the door opened, and Kurama appeared in the doorway. Kurama didn't even notice Hiei was in the room.

'He looks different...' Hiei thought, noticing how strange the kitsune looked compared to before.

Hiei noticed that Kurama was really pale. His green emerald eyes had lost their glow, and Kurama no longer smiled.

Why? Because of him? Was it the fact that Hiei had refused Kurama's love, that Kurama was acting so strange?

Kurama trudged toward his dresser and pulled out his pajamas. Hiei spoke before Kurama could undress.

"Kurama why are you acting so strange?" he asked suddenly. Kurama jumped, and looked at the dark shadow sitting on his bed.

He didn't smile. In fact, he almost looked like he was in pain. But why?

Kurama ignored Hiei, and went to the bathroom again. He didn't close the door, and Hiei spoke again.

"Damn it Kurama, answer me!" he said, becoming annoyed at the kitsune's silence.

Kurama looked at Hiei in the corner of his eye, and then sighed. He waited a second before saying anything.

"W-what do you mean, 'strange'?" Kurama whispered. Hiei gave him a 'don't play dumb' look.

"You know what I mean. You look different. You don't seem like your usual self. Why?" he explained.

Kurama put his back to Hiei. He didn't say anything, so Hiei gave up.

"We have a mission tomorrow. Yusuke told me to tell you that." And with that, Hiei flew out the window.

Kurama watched the shadow flit through the darkness, and then sighed. 'Why does Hiei not know? Why does he torture me like this? Why?' Kurama thought.

Hiei had visited him and asked him _why he was acting weird_? What kind of a question was that?

'I'm not sure if I want to go tomorrow. But Yusuke is counting on me. I have to go, even if I don't want to go.' Kurama thought sadly.

Kurama could feel a single tear roll down his cheek. He wiped it away, but more came.

He hated this torture his heart was giving to him. He would of gladly forgot Hiei. But it wasn't as easy as it seemed. He desired Hiei's love so much. He didn't think he could stand to live any longer without Hiei.

He wanted more then friendship, and Hiei wouldn't give it to him. Should he move on?

"Of course. But I can't. I can't let Hiei go. I just can't." Kurama cried freely in to his hands.

Hiei glanced at Kurama one last time before leaving. Kurama was crying. He always did. Ever since three months ago. Tomorrow would be their first mission together...knowing the truth...

'Maybe I should go see Yusuke or Yukina about this...For Kurama's sake.' Hiei decided.

'But first...I wait...See how he acts tomorrow. If he acts normal, he'll be okay. If not, I talk to Yukina.' Hiei sighed, and sat down on a near-by tree. 'I'll see tomorrow. I'll keep a close watch on him...'

Yusuke waited patiently for Kurama and Hiei to show up. They always managed to be late for a mission.

Kuwabara tapped his foot lightly; bored. "Urameshi, where are they? You did tell them about the mission didn't you?" Kuwabara asked.

Yusuke thought a moment. "Well...I did tell Hiei. I told him to tell Kurama...not sure if he did though..." Yusuke shrugged.

Kuwabara frowned. "The shrimp probably didn't even bother to-"

"Why don't you mind your own business for once." Hiei barked, standing on the windowsill of Koenma's office.

"Well then, where is Kurama? You didn't tell him, did you?" Kuwabara accused. Hiei raised one eyebrow. "Maybe I didn't. Maybe I didn't think Kurama's help was needed." Hiei said; to piss Kuwabara off.

Kuwabara's face turned red. "Shrimp! We're going to be battling an S class yokai! If you didn't tell him-"

Kuwabara stopped when Kurama stepped through the door. Kurama wasn't smiling like usual. He was pale, and looked very sad. (hmm...wonder why )

Hiei didn't look at him, but Yusuke and Kuwabara were shocked. Yusuke spoke first.

"K-kurama? What's wrong buddy? Are you okay?" he asked, patting Kurama on the back.

Kurama turned to him. "Never better..." he whispered. He side glanced at Hiei. Yusuke also looked at Hiei with a questioning look. Hiei didn't look at any of them.

"Hiei? Kurama?" Yusuke whispered. They both looked at him.

'Kurama's eyes seem dull. He seems so sad. And hasn't talked to Hiei yet...that's odd...something is going on here...' Yusuke noted to himself.

Hiei darted his eyes quickly to look at Kurama. Kurama was trying to avoid him, he could tell. 'Kurama and his stupid ningen feelings.' Hiei thought, rolling his eyes.

The room was silent for a minute. Kuwabara, hating the awkward silence spoke first.

"So...uh...Urameshi...what's the yokai we have to battle this time? It is an S-class right? Female or male?" he asked turning to Yusuke.

Yusuke looked from Hiei to Kurama, unsure what to think. 'Are Hiei and Kurama...no...it couldn't be...not Hiei...' he shook that idea out of his head.

"Urameshi? Hello?" Kuwabara waved his hand in front of Yusuke's face. Yusuke focused his eyes on Kuwabara.

"What?" he asked. Kuwabara smacked his own fore head with his hand.

"What type of-" Kuwabara stopped when he noticed that Yusuke wasn't paying any attention.

Yusuke walked over to Kurama. Kurama was looking at the ground. He seemed to be thinking of other things.

"Kurama. Are you okay?" Yusuke whispered so the other two couldn't hear.

Kurama looked at Yusuke, emerald eyes sparkling with unshed tears. "Fine." He muttered, wiping his eyes.

Yusuke frowned. Something was going on between Kurama and Hiei, and he knew it.

Suddenly, Koenma walked through the door. "Hello. You all know what you're going to be doing today right?" Koenma asked, smiling.

The others looked at him, clueless. Koenma rolled his eyes.

"Well, you're going to be fighting an S-class demon." Koenma said matter-of-factly.

Yusuke frowned. "We know that Koenma, but what type of demon are we battling?" Yusuke asked.

Koenma thought a moment. "Well, to be totally honest, I don't know. I know that if you don't stop him, he'll destroy all of the Makai! But I'll look it up..." Koenma walked over to a big pile of papers, on his already to messy desk.

Koenma flipped through every single one, until he came across the right one.

"Here we go!" Koenma pulled the paper from the bottom. All the papers went everywhere, including the one he needed.

Yusuke rolled his eyes. "Koenma you're such an idiot!" Yusuke helped the teenager find the parchment he needed again. Nothing. The paper was lost.

"Sorry guys, you'll just have to try your best at killing him. I trust you can do it. All of you put together can take one S-class." Koenma said smiling once again. "Or was that the one that had all those followers?" Koenma asked himself.

The others face vaulted. "Great, now we don't even know what this damn yokai's powers are!" Kuwabara said, flopping in a chair.

"Well, with Kurama and Hiei helping, you'll know in no time." Koenma smiled at the two demons.

Kurama smiled weakly. Hiei just snorted. Yusuke raised his eyebrows.

"Well, what're you waiten' for? Go kill him, before he destroys more of the Makai! Get goin'!" Koenma ordered.

The four Rekai Tantei all walked in to the portal to go to the Makai. None of them spoke. Hiei noticed Kurama was trying his best to avoid him. He figured Kurama would.

Deep in Hiei's heart, he worried about the fox. If this demon was truly powerful, then what would happen to the broken hearted fox? Would he fight like he usually did? Or would he slack off? He hoped Kurama would at least keep his dignity, but Kurama seemed weak in a way.

'Hn. Baka kitsune. You better fight your hardest today.' Hiei thought. Kurama looked at Hiei like he heard him, but quickly looked away.

Kurama stood there, awaiting his doom. He hated living his life without love. He couldn't love anyone except Hiei. It was just too hard to move on.

'Hiei doesn't love me and that is that.' He always told himself. But he didn't want that to be true. He desired Hiei's love more then anything, and he would do _anything _to get it. But he couldn't force the fire demon to love him. But...if he couldn't have him...what was there to live for? Besides his human mother, he thought there was nothing for him in this life or the next. He figured Shiori would do fine on her own with his step father.

'This is my chance. This battle. This is the end of Kurama.' He thought, looking at the fire demon again.

The portal stopped, and they were in the Makai. They all looked around. It was just how they remembered it. Beautiful, and semi peaceful. They found themselves in a field with Makai wild flowers. They were all sorts of colors. Red, blue, purple, yellow, and pink.

They were surrounded by a vast, green forest. There was a lot of wild life. The noise the creatures were making sounded like they were in a rain forest. They were creatures only Kurama and Hiei would know about.

They trudged through the flowers, determined to end this mission quickly. They still didn't speak, except for an occasional warning to each other.

Kurama stole glances at Hiei once in a while, but other then that, he tried to avoid Hiei.

Hiei could sense Kurama's eyes linger on him from time to time, but ignored this action. He kept a close watch on the red headed fox, but didn't show it.

Yusuke stopped dead in his tracks in a clearing of trees. "You feel that?" he asked the others. They all nodded. Hiei unsheathed his sword.

A yokai's presence could be felt among them. It's ki was powerful.

Hiei looked at Kurama, who had his rose whip ready. Maybe he didn't have to look out for Kurama. Maybe he was just being paranoid.

Yusuke eyed the trees that could be covering the yokai. The yokai was close. To close. It was nearly next to them.

Suddenly, an arrow swished out of a tree. It was aimed for Hiei, and he moved. It barely missed him, and they all charged forward, Hiei close to Kurama.

"You think you can defeat me? You are all weak! I don't even need to kill you myself, I can have my followers do it! Attack now!" a low voice yelled.

What seemed like millions, a whole bunch of demons all came out of hiding and attacked the four Rekai Tantei.

Thay weren't S-class demons, so they were easy to kill.

Hiei noticed Kurama was fighting like usual, so he moved away. He attacked a sickly green colored demon. With one swipe, it was dead. Hiei moved to help the struggling Kuwabara.

Kurama lashed out with his whip, and killed a few with one crack.

'At this rate, my death will almost seem pathetic. There must be stronger yokai somewhere! If I could only find the leader!' Kurama thought.

He spoke to soon. A large yokai with horns all over his body, smashed in to Kurama. Kurama fell to the forest floor. He looked at the yokai. He was just like a troll. Big and ugly. He was unhurt because he blocked himself with his whip. He raised himself off the ground, and cracked his whip, as if to challenge the yokai.

"So you're the S-class yokai are you? It doesn't look like it." Kurama smirked.

The yokai growled. "My name is Mizaki. I will destroy you like all the others I have faced! You are just another obstacle in my way of ruling the Makai!" Mizaki huddled in to a ball. His body glowed a bright yellow.

Kurama starred, waiting for it to happen. The end was nearing. It was his time to go, and he wanted it to come. But first he had to become Youko.

Mizaki suddenly blew up! Or so Kurama thought. Horns blew everywhere! Kurama cried out, hoping to warn the others.

They all took notice and ducked low to the ground. Kurama also ducked and quickly changed in to Youko Kurama.

Smoke covered the forest. Many trees had spikes implanted in them.

The smoke cleared a little. Almost all the followers were dead.

Mizaki was standing in the middle of the clearing. He was standing up tall now, and new spikes replaced the old ones.

Hiei raised his head to look at Kurama. Kurama was also looking at him, his golden youko eyes starring back at him. 'Thank god, he's still there.' Hiei thought.

Kurama flashed him a smile. But it wasn't a usual smile...

Kurama had something planned, Hiei could feel it. Something bad...

Kurama jumped up from the ground before Yusuke or Kuwabara took notice of anything.

The yokai growled angrily, noticing his followers were all dead, and the Reaki Tantei were still there.

Kurama chuckled. "I guess your plan didn't work did it?" he said.

Mizaki's eyes lingered on the kitsune. "You. You're first to die!" the yokai blasted more spikes from his body. Kurama welcomed the spikes happily. But Hiei wouldn't allow it.

Hiei jumped in front of Kurama before the horns could touch him.

"Nooo! Hiei!!!" Kurama yelled. Hiei fell to the ground, face down, with one single spike imbedded in his stomach. Blood pored freely from his wound.

Kurama rushed to Hiei's side, not caring what the yokai was doing.

Yusuke and Kuwabara saw Hiei on the ground, and charged forward to kill the yokai. With one blast of Yusuke's Spirit Gun, the yokai was nothing but ash.

Kurama lifted the small fire demon on to his lap. His crimson blood soaking Kurama's clothes. Hiei was still alive, but fading fast.

Kurama slowly pulled the spike from Hiei's body. Poison dripped from the spike. Hiei's eyes fluttered open.

"K-k-kurama?" he whispered. One of Hiei's tears fell to the ground with a thunk. It turned in to a gem. "I'm sorry..."

"Hiei I'm here. Why did you do that? I am the one who is supposed to die! Not you!" Kurama was crying hard now. Hiei lifted his hand to wipe away Kurama's tears.

"No Kurama. I am. I am the forbidden child. You have... more to live for... t-then me. I...don't ...have...anything..." Hiei said, pain coming whenever he talked.

Kurama shook his head. "No! You have my love Hiei! You can't die! I love you! I want you live! You have to! Don't die!" Kurama shouted.

Yusuke and Kuwabara watched sadly from a distance.

"K-kurama...you...also have...my love..." Hiei closed his eyes and pushed back his pain. "I was...just to ...stupid... to...tell you...before..." Hiei opened his eyes again.

"Hiei...I..." Kurama hesitated as another wave of tears came. "I love you more then anything! I won't let you die!" Kurama yelled.

Hiei gave a weak smile. "I love...you more then...anything...in the world...also...Kurama..." he whispered. Hiei gently pulled Kurama's head down. He met his lips to Kurama's. It was the best thing in the world to Kurama.

"There...now that's our first kiss...and our last..." Hiei said closing his eyes again. Kurama could feel Hiei stop breathing. Hiei's body suddenly went cold.

"Hiei? No! I love you! Don't leave me!" Kurama sobbed in to the fire demon's chest.

Hiei was dead, and he finally knew he had Hiei's love.

Yusuke and Kuwabara walked over to them. They said nothing. What was there to say?

Rain gently fell on to them, washing Hiei's blood away. Kurama looked up. The rain was just like his tears. Flowing, flowing...

Kurama picked up the tear gem. It glistened in his palm. He held Hiei and the tear gem close to his heart.

Hiei was dead, but Kurama's love for him would always remain.

"Ai Shiteru Hiei." Kurama whispered.

The End

Well, that was it. I hoped you liked it. You're probably getting sick of all these death fics. But hey, what can I say? I like angst fics. I don't know why. Reply please! Tell me if you liked it or hated it! Thanks.


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